Entry 598: 爱了 就会懂了

爱情里

不是谁经历的越多痛苦 谁就越有经验 

越是不能长久的和一个人在一起 可能那代表你对爱不够认识

也许是你自己 不够了解 爱 

为何常常把责任推说那人不懂得爱？

朋友 和爱你的人

在你失落 无助的时候

最多也就陪陪你

说句 “他不值得你去爱” 或 “他会后悔错过你” 

真正 会后悔的 是之后还迷恋以往经历过的快乐

真正会后悔的 是那些到死去的那刹那 还是孤独的

每个人的世界里 都会有个爱自己的人

也许随着时间过去，那份爱会减少

或者它会变得更强大

不论是什么 庆幸吧 你得过幸福

在你羡慕别人的时候，也有人可能在羡慕你的生活

太过完美的爱 不存在

把 再完美不过的两个人放在一起，他们也不一定会永远幸福

老天总有办法考验 正觉得最幸福的人 

就为了让我们体会什么叫珍惜

什么是 苦 

能够坚强 冲破所有障碍的人 也不代表一定得到最终的荣誉

一直跌到的人 也不代表不能走到最理想的结局

我不知道 我的爱情 能走多远

但我知道 他是我最正确的选择

希望 再大的风浪 我们都能安全地度过

只有相信···

Entry 597: Damage of the Spoken

I wish words were like little toy guns

No sting, no hurting no one

Just a bang bang rolling off your tongue

No smoke, no bullets

No kick from the trigger when you pull it

No pain, no damage done

I wish they didn't cut like a knife

I wish they didn't break you inside

I wish they didn't bang bang make you wanna run

What are words 

If you really don't mean them when you say them

What are words

If they're only for good times then they're done

When it's love

You say them out loud

Those words, they never go away

They live on, even when we're gone

Entry 596: Where.. is our destination?

When was the last time you give this a thought? 

Where will you end up?

Who will you become?

What do you want to do?

Will you be able to put forth the last step without being weary and exhausted?

How far will you go with your will?

How long can you sustain?

How much can you endure?

We, humans, long forgotten what 'hardship' means.

We take simple sums in life as 'challenges'.

We deem minor obstacles as major 'life-changing point'.

We think people are being difficult and stubborn when they don't follow our way.

We think that it is impossible just because we have to go the extra mile to get it done.

We wondered, why? Why me? FML.

There are many things in life that we have exaggerated now.

So many possible impossibles..

So many underlying reasons that are actually really quite simple to understand...

yet, with the thought that technology is advancing and people are upgrading, we probably just hope that people would use the cognitive part of the brain instead of socio-emotional part. 

We are, in fact, handicapped in our development.

Goodnight.

Entry 595: 遇见 只为了能说再见

远距离的友情
相识 只为了分离
在最没准备下 听了一句你要离开这大家庭的消息
脸上傻笑着 不知道该用什么语言 来表达这怪怪的心情
不知道该用什么表情面对 你将不会再和我一起 跑步 吃饭 逛街 说笑 教书 的事实
人的一生 能合得来的人有几个
更何况是 同事兼朋友
即使有说有笑 也不能保证 会一直延续
今晚灰灰的天 更让我觉得心好空……

Entry 594: A reminder to myself.

There are many things that change over time. Gradually or drastically. Be it habitual or sudden.

When things happen, we blame ourselves and the ones that affected us. We try to find a way out to make ourselves feel better. We forgot the times we smiled, we loved, we treasured.

Humans change. Feelings change. When we get weary and dreadful of all the disagreements, how long more can we hold on? 

I've been through breakups. Most of us did. And of all the times we cried like hell, we pulled through. Here, some of us stood tall and happy again. Some of us go through the same hell over again. No matter where we are, we survived and will still survive. 

Love is fragile. Being together means more than just what we could define. 

Love is humble? No. It is selfish. 

Love is free? No. It binds us.

Love cares? No, it is more self-centered than we thought.

Love drives great stories? No. It doesn't always give us happily ever after.

Love is unconditional? No. It demands for returns.

Love means that differences can be worked out? No. It always remembers how much we have compromised.

Love is holding on and never letting go? No. This is abstract. Death is bigger than love.

Love is a promise? No. It breaks promises.

and it goes on..

Whatever positive definition you can think of, they always come with a 'but'. It's either here or there. 

It is not easy to love. It is even harder to stay together for the rest of our lifetime just dedicating our soul and heart to that special someone we vowed to be with till old age and death. 

I know, we have happy times, sad times.. I'm not trying to pull Love down. You can feel so loved and the next moment or years down the road, you start to realize, it takes more than just love. And yet, it can't survive without love. 

We can't forget the times we weren't supported, loved, cherished, committed, taken care of, accepted, understood, respected...We always remember those bad times cos their impact are always the greatest. Emptiness feels a million fold stronger than love. 

I am in no position to lecture about Love. I've stumbled and did lots of regretful stuff. I'm not an expert and will never be. I'm still trying.. and I don't know if that would happen to us. I told him, I wish we will never go that way. I hope we can go on and on, holding hands..

I've never dreamed of something bigger than having a happy family. As young as I am, I envisage being grandparents with him. I want us to witness the major phases of our children's growth. This, my greatest and biggest dream, with him, with myself, with them.

P.S: Remind yourself the vows exchanged, the happy moments shared..

Entry 593: 风 让我放松

今晚的我 竟然主动问老公要不要带女儿们下楼走走。
一到楼下，两人就直往商店去。我也跟着 买了我想买的^_^

坐在游乐场，吹着迎面而来的风
有种放松的感觉
就今晚 让我在这留下 这看似微不足道的记忆

晚安

Entry 592: Try.

when they come together.. A broken piece, a touch of the unspoken


"Take a breath, look into the mirror at yourself."
"Listening to the sound of my tears"
"More than a couple times"
"Even when it's not right"
"Some search, never finding a way"
"When hope begins to fade"
"Sadness is beautiful loneliness that's tragical"
"Pretending not to know the difference"

"When we were younger and free"
"We can make a million promises"
"Sweet destiny"
"Carried me through desperation"
"What we share is magic"
"Heaven had a plan"

***

Have been trying to change something. Keeping myself calmed and persevering.
Yet, sometimes I'm baffled. Disappointed at the same time how factors clash
How things affect the lives of humans. How opinions drown the world like water they drink.
I'm not regretting, I'm still trying. And I hope, one day, I'll see the fruit of my effort.

Entry 591: I am blessed

Times I feel neglected and less appreciated or loved..
I forgot the sheer fact that having you around is a blessing enough.
I would not have been more certain if I would marry someone else
And bore his children.
I have faith, because of you.

The sight of you and the children, bonding together.
The words you said with confidence that our daughters will tell you about their relationships instead of telling me.
The roles and responsibilities you took and shouldered to make future possible.
I do know, i really do.

In case I made you feel stressed out with all the big plans you have because I am still not thinking as deep as you, I'm sorry. I will try my best and we will make ends meet together. I believe, because we have walked this far..

You made me feel assured and I want this security throughout. I don't have to worry, oh, if I do have something, I lost to your games and children. Of course, work that you just have to follow up too but I understand (a bit) else we will have lesser income >.<

My love, my husband, father of my girls, my walking calculator, my seem-to-know-all encyclopedia~
Annoying still, not romantic and not showing enough affection~ but okay, I will forgive your flaws.


Xoxo
Wife

Entry 590: 原來 你要的一直是我改變什麼

不是我說到沒做到 為你改變了什麼 你只在乎我做到多少
是你不懂我 不了解從小學開始就喜歡天天往外跑的我
答應你的事 我也很努力的想要維持
不開心的時候 你只記得我對你承諾了什麼
是否曾想過 我一直以來都是這樣過的
從和你在一起到現在 我就一直問 今天出門嗎？
原來 你已忘了

我在乎我生活圈子的人 家人 親戚 朋友 同事
我也從不後悔 嫁的早 生的早 因為這都是一種福氣

問我有什麼嗜好 我說不上來
釣魚 電動踏板車
和你一起玩網上的角色扮演遊戲
為的是你還是我
我做的 你沒看見嗎 還是你已當作一切都是理所當然
說出心聲 你又會嘔氣 說把踏板車賣掉 或不用陪你一起 的話
所以乾脆不說了 在這宣洩就好

你不知道 你有很多 你從以前 就一直有的嗜好
遊戲 購買遊戲裡的東西 釣魚 和朋友喝咖啡聊天
還有個壞習慣 吸煙
我讓你 為我 停止什麼了嗎
只因為 我對你有足夠的信任
我們是要相守到老去的兩個人 若什麼都要強迫的改
那天天不都是地獄嗎
為什麼 就不能用會好好照顧自己的條件 來換取做自己喜歡的事的資格
原來 你要的一直是我改變什麼⋯

Entry 589: 真心假意

有時候會想 到底付出算什麼
一直付出的人 最終獲得了什麼
有些默默付出的人 看著 關心著
不顧一切的幫助和照顧著 為的是什麼
每個付出過的人都知道 就算付出了全部
也不代表會有收穫 不代表會有好結果
明明知道 卻不肯放
是執著堅強 還是固執任性

付出 就希望得到回報
口上說無所謂的人 更在意結果
或其實他們 已知道結果 卻不想結束一切
是好是壞也說不上
付出 對我 只是為了讓人注意到我
真心還是假意？
 真心付出 為的是不讓自己孤單 意 在何處...


我喜歡白馬 因為王子都是騎著白馬
但我更喜歡黑馬 那種感覺 帥氣 強悍
即使在黑暗裡 仍能適應一切 繼續勇敢的跑下去

黑馬，讓人看不出它受了多少傷...

Entry 588: 找不到原因 解释伤感

好久没有在这留下足迹
生活中有好多时候让人感觉疲惫
想找个人诉说但又不是他
想找个人聊聊 但又怕他们觉得厌烦
矛盾的是 自己也不愿跨出那一步

好久没有这么想一个人出去走走
想一个人搭车看看风景
想一个人无所事事的坐在cafe里 慢慢享用一杯冷饮

解释不了为什么 突然觉得彷徨
好久没有好好的拥抱
好久没有让这两颗心相连
有时，爱情不能用话语来维持
即使再怎么想听那句“我爱你”，“我想你”
感觉不到的，始终不是说说就能安抚的

也许爱是这样吧
不说了

Entry 587: The start of chapter : Faith Averia

Sleep Like A Boss!

18-09-2014 : The start of labour

 

Everyone knows labour is like having bones crushed and we heard that this is tougher than men going army. Guys will never understand how their wife felt at that very moment. He probably seen the hardship she was going through from her facial and body expression and/or whines; he perhaps felt the pinch while his wife was going through the excruciating pain from the contraction that intensified as time dragged on.

So this was what happen..

At around evening 4-5pm, I started having mild pain that last about half a minute. They were very regular at approx. 5 minute interval. I could endure the pain and I raised it to my mom and sis who were present that night. I then commented to my hubby, "I don't know if this is Braxton hicks (fake contraction) or the real thing. It doesn't feel like the contraction I had when in labour with Claire."

 

Our initial plan

As night falls, I am certain that they come regularly. Earlier that noon, Hubby and I have arranged an appointment to go in in the morning at 8am to induce labour as I will be due by then and induction is better to be conducted before 40weeks and 2days (claimed the doctor). I was really having sleepless nights due to the impatient waiting, anxiety, frequent toilet trips and almost-every-day leg ache. I went back and googled on "Exercises that helps induce labor". I did the exercises bit by bit from time to time. I did not overstrain or do as long and as much as suggested in the videos.

 

I did begin to feel some cramps but they were really, really mild. They were, at that point, regular too. So I continued the exercises whenever I felt okay to do so. They perhaps did help, I can't conclude. No harm trying!

My ultimate decision

Around 9pm, I told hubby (he had suggested going to the hospital several times by then) that I think I want to go hospital. I showered again and ensured I have packed everything in my bag. I was uncertain if it was real contraction, thus the hesitation. I really can't take the disappointment cos I have been anticipating her arrival a week ago when I had lightning crotch (the shooting pain up the pelvic whenever I stand or start walking).

Transport: Bus

Amazingly, Hubby and I took the bus to KKH, from CCK. I don't know how long it took to reach as the bus was going on a faster speed than daytime and we skipped a few stops due to fewer commuters. We reached the Delivery suite counter about 10 to 15minutes to 12am. Next, I was asked to be on belts to track foetus's heartbeat and contractions for about an hour and wait for the doctor to assess my condition. In less than an hour, I was told by the nurse that I am having contractions and was 4cm dilated. The doctor came in and signed for me to go to the labor ward. I was so excited, yet worried of the pain at the same time. I have experienced once when I had Claire, it was irregular and torturous~! I felt the pain somehow before it actually intensified like the first.

Time checked: 1am

I entered the labor ward. Changed into the white robe and lied on bed with those belts and two big 'buttons' on my tummy. The contraction did feel bad now, but not as worse as the first labor. Could not really sleep as the contractions came every 3 to 4 minutes. I looked at the digital clock in the suite every now and then to realise that an hour has passed after another.

Time to stop the pain

At 4am, I called hubby who was dead tired and asleep. I asked if I should have epidural and I said I think I want epidural. He told me to call the nurse if I really want it. The nurse came in (I shall skip all the unhappiness I had with the hospital) and later the anaesthetist. That injection on the back made everything better. I slept and time to time, nurses or doctors come in to check my cervix to see how much it has dilated. It was dilating steadily at 1cm every hour. By 7cm, a handsome doctor (haha) burst my water bag. I don't feel any pain thanks to epidural.

 

Push!

I was fully dilated by 10am and was told to push by the midwife, who was assisted by a female medical student. With about three rounds of pushing, three to four pushes per round, Faith Averia is out!! :D Finally! She cried a lot more than Claire and her double eyelid was the first to attract Hubby and my attention >.<!

Nightmare was about to begin

The nightmare of being stitch up after the epidural had worn off was my worst nightmare ever. Though it didn't hurt as badly as when I had Claire, it certainly was the worst part I ever felt (apart from the contractions when I was in labor with Claire). The first round of stitching took like forever and I felt very very weary minutes after the doctor started stitching. She gave another round of anaesthetics but I can still feel the thread stringing through. When I woke, I was told to have another round of stitching as the first doctor has missed out the tear on the right. I was devastated. This time round, it took a shorter time but it hurts SO DAMN BAD. I sweat and held so tightly onto hubby. I even started "ahhhhhhhhhh" when I did not even do so when I had super terrible contraction -_-

 

Confinement

I bet I am going to face all the side-effects of backache etc sooner or later. This time round, I have my confinement at my mom's place. There was no air-con and I have to depend solely on the ceiling fan. There is another fan just beside the bed but I tried to minimize the use. I was cold but I perspired madly every night. Up to 2 nights ago, I only felt some discomfort while having to sit up to breastfeed. It worsens last night and I could not turn to carry Faith up onto the cushion as the ache was pulling from my lower back to near the butt. I called hubby who carried her up for me. By then, the bed, pillow and bolster were soaking wet again.

 

 

The first dress

Wanted to bring Faith out in this pink dress which Claire didn't have a chance to wear but mom told me to leave her at home. Well, it is good though since she is barely a week old. Pardon the pacifier !

My first make after delivery.
I realized how big my hip has become T^T I can't even fit in any of my pants that I used to wear regularly before I conceived Faith! That is saddening enough. Decided to put on some make-ups and tada! Make-up does wonder, doesn't it? :D

My hair is in a mess, my figure is taking its own sweet time to shape. The woes of post-delivery! Guys, never take your wife for granted! She went through the toughest time to carry your child with caution in her for that few months which you think were easy. She went through physical change just to bear and deliver your child. Please, be nice and loving like you have before another member was added in your life.

Ok, my elder daughter needs my attention now.


Childbirth isn't easy. Parenthood too. Try to understand and cherish these people :

1) The one who have given birth to you
2) The one who deliver your child
3) The one who you have brought to this world

Nothing is more important than the bonds and love you can build and share with family. <3

Entry 586: The long wait..

The sacrifices I have to make for each of you.

The scars and marks that add on each time..

If it wasn't for love, what could it be?

 

As the days drag.. I become impatient and every day, I'll be asking and hoping that she will finally decide to come to this world to meet me in my arms. Yet each day fails me and the wait seems to get longer.

 

For the past few nights, I have been feeling her increased movements and that probably means she won't be out yet. Today, she moved a little lesser than yesterday. Should I see it as a good sign? :D

 

Haven't been very tolerant with Claire. She is impatient, perhaps inherited by me :/

She gets frustrated so easily and she kept saying, "uh oh" with those annoying noises which made me want to throw away everything that are making her whine. Her daddy on the other hand, is being more patient and loving and playing with her. He gave her all the attention when he is awake and it seems to be too unacceptable for me. Where is the love and care I need him to shower on me too?

 

Well, I have a friend who told me not to feel too bad about my husband loving his daughter more. She was treated in a way which disgusts her, thus I can't deny her kind advice. Still, I love Claire. It is just that.. I have lesser patience for her. I want discipline to be enforced in certain ways. I don't like some of her bad habits. They don't do her good. She is only 2 but she is a fast learner in many ways. I corrected many things about how my husband should communicate with her. He spoils her by giving in too much. He does scold her at times but it isn't consistent and she doesn't learn.

 

There are times too, that I will try to put it across to her nicely, in a light mood. I do have times that I am calmer than the people who are agitated by her. It is not all about hard disciplinary methods. But people around need to be cooperative.

 

Whatever she does that is unacceptable or considered rude, I will tell people at the scene not to laugh as she will find it okay to continue with that behaviour. I just wish to say, I don't mean restricting everything. Fun doesn't mean being rude. I hope she understands one day.

 

I am thinking of ways to bring Claire and Faith closer together. I will most likely be so worn out when Faith arrives that my patience and energy level will drop drastically.

 

 

 

 

To Claire,

 

If mommy ever scolds you wrongly or ignores you, please forgive me. When you grow older and read this post, do understand my situation k? I'm sorry darling. I love you so much to just let you stray. I may focus too much on meimei and neglect you when time comes but I will try my best to balance it. Don't ever think that I am bias. I'll shower love and care for you as well as for daddy and meimei. I will not be bias like daddy xD I love you, Claire.

 

Entry 585: I should have realized this earlier..

It could happen even when you don’t mean it.

“Having to be cautious in a relationship, be it your actions or words, does not necessarily means that the relationship is going downhill. It could also mean that you still care about how he/she feels.”

 

Lately, I have been asking a little too much. Well, it could be an understatement with that “little” but I really don’t mean bad. He has his worries too and I know it. I don’t know exactly how he feels and I tend to ask a lot more than he can handle. I’m really sorry.

 

He told me aftermath when I posted something unpleasant on the net (of course, I deleted it after he text me with his reply) that he don’t wish to be interviewed or questioned too much by me. He has a fair share of worries and I shouldn’t have made him feel intimidated by all the questions raised. I agreed I did ask too much after reflecting on myself but I just want to be part of his life. I tried too hard, I assume. He told me it is fine to just ask, “Fun?” or “Tired?”, simple questions like that to show I care. I always thought it is worse to just give replies like that – short one or two word. They are the worst messages. I feel that messages like that are redundant and meaningless. However, if I were to think deeper earlier, I should have realized that we all have different aspects in life to juggle with. It is hard to maintain a balance and it is hard to always give a full, long and detailed message reply. I mean, we have been together for so long, it is ok, really, to just exchange short messages at times, especially when we are tied down with work.

 

I miss him a lot more now when I’m carrying our second daughter. I didn’t know I will bother him this much cos I used to hang-out with my friends and sent short replies to him too. We used to be a 1+1 wherever we go, until…last year? I started heavy clubbing and hanging out with my girlfriends, thus neglecting him. I thought it was ok, cos he was the one who focused too much on gadgets and games that even when we were home together, we barely talked.

 

I once left him for that same reason. Then one day, he told me how he was desperately yet patiently waiting for me to come home, and talked to me about how he feels. He didn’t game that day. He was just waiting for me to be back. I came back, all tired and sleepy. I fell asleep while he was gently telling me how he had felt. He stopped and then, a call came in. I started chatting away, wide awake. He was asleep, but not deep or sound. It really hurt him that time. To think of it now, I still feel guilty. I should have given a second thought. I should have listened to him. I thought of myself so much that I didn’t realize, he knew his mistake and wanted to amend. It wasn’t too late. I just didn’t bother to give him a chance back then. I was wrong myself.

 

They have all passed and should serve a valuable lesson for us to cherish each other more. Though there are times I stumble and future seems grey, we are still here for each other. I am thankful. I am thankful that he has stayed with me.

Hubby, if you ever read this, I wanna say,

“Thank you for being here for me. You may not always be physically around when I am in need but I thank you for loving me and caring for our little family. You are not the best in other people’s world, but you are the best I have found. I am sorry that I made you tear and disappointed. You forgave me times and times again that I should feel ashamed. But I am shamelessly holding on to you. I want you to know, I love you. Please continue to stay with me.”

 

To end this post off, I would just like to remind all couples..

Being comfortable is a good thing. But being too comfortable may make you forget about how important it is to still want to know how the other party may feel if you do this or that. The tendency of either or both parties being complacent may someday lead to a separation that none could explain either. And that probably goes with this.. “I don’t know why we broke up. We just agreed mutually.”

 

Til then..

Entry 584: There will always be "Once in a while..."

Once in a while, I will browse through my blog and read and recall what happened in my life. It isn't too difficult to update in this manner. Cos I only pen down when I really have things bothering me or have been bothering me for long enough to  make me blog it.

And so... Pregnancy isn't a all-wonderful and all-amazing journey. It isn't always sweetness (for me) and being EXTRA paranoid seems to be affecting us a lot. It feels like I'm gonna push him further away if it does turn out to be an argument, worse, a heated one. But I'm glad, none really got that bad. (I hope none will even in the future)

My confidence level plunge. My self-esteem and self-worth seem to decrease a whole lot. I can figure out some of the causes but I just can't bring myself to make changes every day. Considering that a pregnant wife should be the one forgiven and understood, instead of the one making compromises. Yes, relationship works two ways. But I can't deny I still need that bit of assurance and security to pull through this phase AGAIN. This isn't my first pregnancy, and I shouldn't be that fearful. But honestly, I fear more now then I previously had during my first pregnancy. I was more cheerful and more energetic and active. But now, I'm just slipping in my big and comfy or auntie or mismatch pieces that even I kinda get turn off at times. I don't wanna look into the mirror cos I can't stand the haggard look. But one thing after my stormy days, I begin to love the hassle-free naked face, especially when I wanna catch extra minutes to sleep or rest or when I'm in a hurry or when the weather is really damn damn hot and humid.

Well, I guess I'm just not into dolling up in this long 40weeks period. I can't stand the oil secretion after certain hours with the cosmetics on my face. My face seems to be screaming for help!!

I think Faith is going to be a brave and strong girl. For whatever negative feelings I have, I persuade myself everything's gonna be alright. I will make my way back to the confident and outgoing me, in a good way of course. Im weak-minded. I admit. And I can't stand slight betrayal or negligence now. There are things I can't guarantee. History repeats itself when you do not learn your mistakes and find solutions to prevent it from happening again.

Words are cheap. Promises are shallow. The only substance is to continuously show and prove yourself worth.

That said, I am motivated to regain my confidence and be proud of myself as a mom of two. Daddy of two, I gave away my youth and figure for their existence. Please take good care of my like how you will to the two of them.





Love,
Wayne.

Entry 583: And both of us grinned ear to ear..

Was in a dilemma -  to have or not to have?

He said, "People do no know, and they grieve when they lost theirs. But only doctor's instinct can tell that the reason why it did not survive was because it has some abnormalities that if he/she were to be given birth, he/she will suffer."

他说：“大多数的人都为了流走的那个难过哭泣。但医生知道他/她会死的原因是因为他/她不够健全，所以选择不要来到世界上受苦。"

Lets just hope all will be well.


P.s: 宝宝，要知道不管别人说什么，你是爹地妈咪期待已久的。当我们知道你的存在时，我们都笑了。希望你在妈咪肚子里健康强壮的成长。你要做个正常又快乐的人、孝顺父母、尊敬长辈、人见人爱。爱你哟！

Entry 582: Merry Post X'mas and Happy Boxing day

Boxing day.. Somewhat like a second Christmas and it is in some European countries.

How was your Christmas this year? I am hoping to receive 2014 Christmas with merrier hearts (: you?

But before 2014 comes, I wanna celebrate with my friends, my dear sisters.. Hopefully I could get at least one or two of them to join me in counting down..! (and if Hubby approves)

Have started binging a lil.. *laughs* never ending.. As usual I continued to eat even when I said I want to diet >-<

oh wells.


Went to Hubb's workplace to wait for him to knock off.. Then off we go to RWS's newly opened Slappycakes. Peeps do check out the new outlet ya! It is located at Waterfront Station, near to the water fountain there!

Oh this photo with Claire was taken at Grandstand's Vitala. Pardon her crudeness. HAHA!

 

@ RWS's Slappy cakes..

 

Gonna miss the bunch of people at M.A.D and SC there..

How they play and tease Claire.. ^^

 

Til then.. HAPPY BOXING DAY!

Entry 581: The grumbz..

On second thought, probably I should really put that on hold. No doubts I really want to, and partly due to other reasons, I wished it could go as 'plan'. But a plan aint a plan when I know it is gonna add on to what's already on my shoulder.

 

I can't help thinking if I should just skip the next year and probably another just to ensure everything will be more smooth-sailing if there should be any changes in our lives. Afterall, there are other stuff to factor in.. the list goes on..

 

Well, for the least he should understand where I am coming from and give me some assurance. Not that he didn't emotionally.. but we're talking about a future not just for the two of us. It has never been just the two of us anyways.

 

Stopped clubbing so often. Though this clubbing craze was short-lived. Started beginning of this year and reducing it a whole lot even before it hits six months of crazy night life. Yep, it is good to stop going out at night to those 'messy' places. But life hasn't been exactly awesome after that. Work tied me down a lil.. tried to catch up with this marriage with him and maintain other household stuff. Got tired many times.. but still surviving. Yes, that's partly the reason that idea is gonna put on hold.

 

Perhaps I should continue my hardcore dieting ;x LOL nah just joking.. just stop binging! haha

 

Alright, time to turn in to bed.. gotta wake up on time to dry the laundry too.. Life as a young working wife and mom and maid.. (if only I get paid ;p)

 

 

P.s. I'd probably do better if I were bitch enough.. too bad, I can't and ain't >.<

Entry 580: You'd never be ready and well-prepared enough until that thing really happen to you.

Probably it is time to decide which to give and which to take...

Bound to be times in life you get into a dilemma and just cant decide without feeling you may regret.
It seems neither here nor there but just gotta go for it. No matter how tough, believe we will pull through.

Goodbye but welcome.

Entry 579: The running thoughts never stop you from reminding how vulnerable things are.

Some things happened to remind you that they won't ever stay for always.

They came to tell you that they are temporary tenants.

 

We ain't sure if they come for good. We ain't sure if we're gonna say goodbye with smiling or crying faces. We ain't sure if goodbyes gonna be a long awaited day or hopefully-won't-come day.

 

We expected the separation and outcome, but it becomes tough still when that day finally comes. It never seems well-prepared after all you reminded these while.

 

Then.. came some harsh truth you learnt that you finally am willing to unleash yourself from the moments you felt were tearing you apart from. You know they are gonna happen, so embrace it with head held high, smile hang wide :)

 

Time doesn't stop ticking for those who ripped your soul, so pick yourself up and move on as bravely as you have all the time.

 

 

 

 

*A lil reminder and encouragement to all those who felt baffled by life's events. It hasn't taken its toll on you and never will if you trudge on fiercely. FIGHTING!! <3