Entry 558: She left.. for too many causes we reckon.

The judges

The critique

The mistakes

The lost of friends

The doubts of people

The jealousy of some

The debts of loved ones

The lost in faith and hope..

She left without a known cause.

She left without a proper farewell.

Still, I can't accept the way she chose to set herself free.

A way I never regard as solving the problems in life.

But probably, she feels better and in peace, in that other land.

People and the environment affect our way of living.

Just like how threads go on and on to criticize you, words of encouragement never diminish too.

 We just gotta look at things from different views isnt it?

Unless, you're as stubborn to think that things are deemed to be this bad since decades ago and will be too now, when we're far ahead in this century.

Simply put, you can't adapt to the changing environment.

 Instead of putting the blame on anyone, why not accept the way humans are?

Different, that is.

We don't react the same way.

We don't act or talk the same way.

We don't write the same way.

We don't think or feel the same way.

We don't love the same way.

We don't show affections in the same way.

and the list goes on..

But at least, we have one thing in common.

We only have a life to live.

After she is gone..I realised..

That I have spent too much time harpping onto the past and what she did that make me upset.

What was the point, seriously?

To make myself feel better?

To get same sentiments or agreements?

I was wrong.

It didnt feel any better.

What's more when she is gone for good.

We lost what we used to cherish.

And now, it's gone forever.

I don't even get to see that so called "10 years down the road"..

There isn't any other possibility to mend things back cos she has left us and this world.

It still feels unreal..

Every day, I wake up thinking of all the "Why-s".

Somehow.. It's harder to get over with, without knowing the cause..

Just some words for those who feel stressed up in life:

There will be times we can't let go of the past experiences or events which make us rather upset. It could still feel miserable simply at the thought of it but think twice, they shaped your thinking, don't they?

You just need to be aware that all the ups and downs are not meant to kill you. They are there to make you realise that good things don't always happen without effort or hardwork. You have to cross that hurdle and be stronger than you are right now. Constantly building up the courage to face all the obstacles and be positive to open a better path for yourself and your loved ones.

Time might devour the hopes you used to have, but time might also show you the process and worth. Take a step back to think of things in different perspectives and choose the one which will push you forward.

Try to churn all the critques, judgements, and mistakes into a source of energy to become a better person. Afterall, we're humans, not saint. Humans definitely make mistakes in life and this is when you have to decide another path to walk. There isn't a real blockage or dead end in life. And death - it is never a good solution to any problems. You will only be leaving the heartaches to others.

Last but not least, the reason why I'm still updating once in awhile and not deleting this despite some nasty comments about me and the way I present my thoughts and feelings..

It's because I believe in this space I call my own. I don't privatize it cos I wanted to be heard and known. I don't want to bottle things up in me and make myself a timed bomb. It doesn't matter who read my posts or what comments I'll fetch, I just need this space to rant, to share, to let out..

And I hope everyone else could have their own space to write too.. especially if you feel that you have no one else to turn to to share your troubles..

That said, I have to turn in to bed now..

Goodnight earthlings..

Be strong.