Before I start this, I have to admit and confess I was not the best girlfriend he could have.
I did things worse than others thought of him.
I betrayed his trust not just once cos I thought he didnt care and I could do whatever I want.
I used to believe I could have a better man, someone who would not neglect me like he did in the past.
I went on..
I left..
I realised.. What's left of us did not just remain there when I stepped out of the house.
Things happened swiftly, yet slowly..
Days got harder to pass but some people rejoiced for me cos they believe in what I believed initially too.
However, no one noticed the pain in my heart, the struggle..
I had that lesson learnt.
I am certain who really mean the world to me now.
After marriage, WE learnt to see each other's perspectives.
Our temper changes as time goes on..
And as we met with every issues.
Unlike the past when we would be so hot-headed and quarrel..
We would calm down and things got better..
Much.
I did not know what changes that attitude in our relationship.
But I know it is a major step towards a better communication and lasting feelings.
I never know what lies ahead of us, but we'll both try together..trudge on together.
I don't have to have the best man in the world, cos the best is only defined by each individual's preference.
A man with wealth might not be the best man to someone else.
A man with a generous heart, giving heart, might not be the best man to someone else.
A man with romance might not be the best man to someone else.
And so, there is no best man.
And what's more.. I am not the best woman..
I am not greedy.
Or at least, I don't ask for someone I do not really have feelings for.
I just wish.. couples out there.. could really let go of all those futuristic question which seem 'practical'.
You could argue this with me.. but to me, how realistic is being practical?
And how practical is it to be thinking ahead without knowing what could happen?
There are always exception, miracles, or results of sheer hardwork in the later part of life.
It's about belief, support, perseverance, acceptance, etc.
Life can't be without these.
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Recently, I've seen a couple friend quarrelling. Not really that I know what's going on, but I do know..
She got too persistent in the first place in determining who was at fault.
She is a very friendly girl.
But when it comes to relationship, I could honestly say, she loses her temper easily in the public.
And the most important thing a girl should at least do, is save some pride and dignity for the guy.
Or, to put it simply, it's the best move on the love chess.
To simmer down and bring things back.. behind closed doors.
I didn't utter a word when we met, when we were in the car altogether.
But I couldn't resist to bring it up here. Cos I felt it was worth talking about with all other couples out there.
And I do wish.. she sees this and get my point.. (instead of getting heated up :x )
^^Cheers!
The reason why I confessed earlier on that I wasnt the best girlfriend he could have was because it determines how much I could 'blame'. Or how far I could go in a heated conversation.
I try to calm down and reflect upon myself.
If I had betrayed him, with/without him knowing, I'm only that worth to quarrel with him on trivial matters.
Meaning, I would not go too far in trying to get my way cos I know this is just peanuts compared to what I did.
Shut giving oneself tons of 'reasons' for betrayal.
I had been there.. and I know they are just plain excuses.
A lil advice to girls in a relationship,
you might not be the type of girls who speak softly and curl all up on guys like some 'slut' you refered to..
But you can't deny they got guys smitten.
And who says you can't possess that skill just because you can't behave like those 小女人？
You just have to keep your cool.
1. Show appreciation for what he did. Thank him for being there or tell him that he had been great for doing whatever he did today.
2. Give him face in public. Tell him nicely that you do not like what he did. If he gets heated up, bring things back home to talk about. Keep your cool and refrain from rebutting in public. His temper gets worse for some people (like my hubby). Or if he is the kind who puts up with you (which you should be honoured), you'll only receive negative impression from his friends around him. Of course, refrain from being a tigress at home too! You never want your partner to feel sick and tired of the quarrels at home and venture out for 'soulmates' ;)
3. Show his friends you're a girl worth his keep (his friends will speak up much for you :p ). Seeming to be reasonable. By achieving the second point, you would more or less reach this part. You definitely do not want his friends to support him in breaking up, do you? If you say you care less of his friends, then I could say you have failed in a relationship even before an actual breakup. You failed to see that a relationship goes a million miles not because of sheer feelings, but of how you maintain this feelings with external factors such as friendship, kinship, etc. They reduce the amount of stress that could build up as a relationship advances into different phases.
4. Accept his poor pacifying skills though you still feel upset about that certain matter. The thing is, if he has decided to lower his voice and try to cheer you up, go with the flow! What's the point of harping onto the issue if you can't get your way? You know it isn't too serious a matter to get to the bottom, than let it go. You would feel much better when the atmosphere changed into a lighter mood. Maybe, you could hear him apologizing sincerely out of nowhere later in the day! (or night) Be patient.
5. Change the tone of blame. You might find it contradicting. If you think he is at fault, you should have the bigger say, shouldn't you? And that would give you the right to raise your voice, isn't it? Nope. If you think that way, you have lost your 'battle'. Some guys do not like that harsh way, and so you gotta take it slow. Guilt is a feeling everyone has. And this is where you, somehow, play with it! (shhhh) Nah, I should phrase it in a less offensive way. Everyone has a soft side, and by knowing that point is equivalent to controlling your temper and accepting things in a lighter manner. For example, I feel frustrated with my hubby telling me to do something which he could have told me earlier in the day when we were both at home. Some things could be told beforehand but he chose to tell me later in the day and made me walk the extra mile to 'accomplish' that task. I replied his message like this:
"Why can't you tell me earlier? You made me walk extra miles just to help you xxxxx. Angry! You must make up to me with more hugs and kisses! Humph. I can help but need to wait til my lunch time k"
Having goosebumps already? haha. It isn't hard. It's just a text anyways! But of course, my hubby and I are a type of couple who would go 'act cute' so it is pretty easy for us to do it even face-to-face. Most of the time, you would get replies like.. "Sorry la dear dear" or "Thank you muacks!" or responses similar to this. It is less likely that he would start bickering with you! You learnt to put nice words before the bad ones. But in informal situation between loved ones.. sometimes, what we see is the part where you agreed to help and that you lightened the anger with "make up to me with more hugs and kisses" kinda messages. Easy?
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I can't simply list all the things you could do to make your relationship life better..
Afterall, I'm not a Guru and I made mistakes too.
Once again, I emphasize that I do not have the best relationship, and we are not always sweet..
But I would like to share what I feel with you cos I believe it does help a lot in maintaining the love.
Also, you could doubt and question my words, it's all up to your own discretion ^^
Lastly, have a nice Sunday with all your loved ones~
Byes!
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