It could happen even when you don’t
mean it.
“Having to be cautious in a
relationship, be it your actions or words, does not necessarily means that the
relationship is going downhill. It could also mean that you still care about
how he/she feels.”
Lately, I have been asking a little
too much. Well, it could be an understatement with that “little” but I really
don’t mean bad. He has his worries too and I know it. I don’t know exactly how
he feels and I tend to ask a lot more than he can handle. I’m really sorry.
He told me aftermath when I posted
something unpleasant on the net (of course, I deleted it after he text me with
his reply) that he don’t wish to be interviewed or questioned too much by me.
He has a fair share of worries and I shouldn’t have made him feel intimidated
by all the questions raised. I agreed I did ask too much after reflecting on
myself but I just want to be part of his life. I tried too hard, I assume. He
told me it is fine to just ask, “Fun?” or “Tired?”, simple questions like that
to show I care. I always thought it is worse to just give replies like that –
short one or two word. They are the worst messages. I feel that messages like
that are redundant and meaningless. However, if I were to think deeper earlier,
I should have realized that we all have different aspects in life to juggle
with. It is hard to maintain a balance and it is hard to always give a full,
long and detailed message reply. I mean, we have been together for so long, it
is ok, really, to just exchange short messages at times, especially when we are
tied down with work.
I miss him a lot more now when I’m
carrying our second daughter. I didn’t know I will bother him this much cos I
used to hang-out with my friends and sent short replies to him too. We used to
be a 1+1 wherever we go, until…last year? I started heavy clubbing and hanging
out with my girlfriends, thus neglecting him. I thought it was ok, cos he was
the one who focused too much on gadgets and games that even when we were home
together, we barely talked.
I once left him for that same
reason. Then one day, he told me how he was desperately yet patiently waiting
for me to come home, and talked to me about how he feels. He didn’t game that
day. He was just waiting for me to be back. I came back, all tired and sleepy.
I fell asleep while he was gently telling me how he had felt. He stopped and
then, a call came in. I started chatting away, wide awake. He was asleep, but
not deep or sound. It really hurt him that time. To think of it now, I still
feel guilty. I should have given a second thought. I should have listened to
him. I thought of myself so much that I didn’t realize, he knew his mistake and
wanted to amend. It wasn’t too late. I just didn’t bother to give him a chance
back then. I was wrong myself.
They have all passed and should
serve a valuable lesson for us to cherish each other more. Though there are
times I stumble and future seems grey, we are still here for each other. I am
thankful. I am thankful that he has stayed with me.
Hubby, if you ever read this, I
wanna say,
“Thank you for being here for me. You may not always be physically
around when I am in need but I thank you for loving me and caring for our
little family. You are not the best in other people’s world, but you are the
best I have found. I am sorry that I made you tear and disappointed. You
forgave me times and times again that I should feel ashamed. But I am
shamelessly holding on to you. I want you to know, I love you. Please continue
to stay with me.”
To end this post off, I would just
like to remind all couples..
Being comfortable is a good thing.
But being too comfortable may make you forget about how important it is to
still want to know how the other party may feel if you do this or that. The
tendency of either or both parties being complacent may someday lead to a
separation that none could explain either. And that probably goes with this.. “I
don’t know why we broke up. We just agreed mutually.”
Til then..
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